


get you dizzy

by snufkiins



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Rating May Change, aka im bitter over adam so ive been spited enough to write a fic giving me what i want, fuck s7 lives, idk if this is relevant but lance is a bottom, im canadian so if stuff seems odd its because idk a lot abt america, keith is popular in lances eyes in that game but in a negative way, monsters and mana is a video game now because i said so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-01 09:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15771744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snufkiins/pseuds/snufkiins
Summary: Lance is tired of some edgy video game expert stealing all his loot. It's just getting really annoying, is all!





	1. school's out

**Author's Note:**

> im going to update this soon its just 1am and i cant write more in this sleep-deprived state

His bag hit his bed with a soft thud as he slid into his room. He spinned as he sat down in his chair, waiting impatiently as his computer buzzed to life. Fingers tapped the desk impatiently as the cold of a fan hit his back, whirring around in a previously mostly-silent room.

 

He assumed most people would be out celebrating another school year’s end, but Lance McClain really just wanted to play video games.

 

It wasn’t as if he was ditching his friends for it, though- Pidge and Hunk were just as excited about the new update to Monsters and Mana as he was. It had been advertised to have better graphics and character creation, which was a plus. But Lance was mostly excited for the new loot- more towns had been added, and that meant that there would be different treasure depending on the location. The game developers always released great items for the higher-leveled players, too, so he was looking forward to that.

 

A grin lit up his face as Steam alerted him that the update had finished downloading. He threw on his headset and leaned back in his chair, watching the game’s logo spin around before the menu came up. It actually already looked prettier, but he wasn’t really focused on that right now. The game had new loot, and he had priorities.

 

His friend list showed that “Block” and “Meklavar”- who were Hunk and Pidge, respectively- were online, and as he entered the game, he double-checked to make sure he was in the group’s channel before he spoke.

 

“Hey guys!”

 

A “hey, Lance,” and “what’s up, buddy?” greeted him in return as he walked towards a new town. From the map, his friends weren’t nearby, which he supposed meant more loot for himself. It looked interesting, and had a more advanced look than the other towns; though, he hadn’t seen the other towns yet, so maybe the old towns got upgraded as well.

 

NPCs littered the town, and stalls were filled with characters to trade with and buy from. They shuffled about as Lance maneuvered through the crowds. The map showed that there was some sort of dungeon nearby, and he was determined to find it before someone else did. A _specific_ “someone else”, if he wanted to think about it. But he didn’t- that guy made him angry just thinking about him.

 

His shoulder bumped into a girl with white hair, and when he hovered over her, a name appeared. He switched to a private voice channel with her. “Valayun, huh? Have you heard of any dungeons near here?”

 

A cheery voice with a British accent replied, and Lance flushed, because goddamnit, he knew that voice by heart.

 

“Have you? Because, Lance, I’d love to get the new items.”

 

“Goddamnit, Allura!” he cried. “How many accounts do you even _have?”_

 

“Ahah, sorry about that.” She sounded genuinely apologetic. “I need to add you on this one, don’t I? My older account got terminated.”

 

He winced- he’d _hate_ for that to happen to him. “Why’d that happen?”

 

“They found out I was using multiple accounts to get more bonuses and then trade them,” she replied, and Lance had to stifle a laugh. There was no way that Pidge wasn’t the one who taught her that, though the redhead was a bit better at concealing her illegitimate video game activities.

 

“One second, I’ll send you a friend request so you can join our call,” he spoke, before disconnecting the call. As soon as he sent the request, he rejoined his friends’ call.

 

“Guess who I found, everyone!” he bragged, as if it was an achievement. Though, in a way, it was- finding a friend in a game filled with people had a slim to none chance of happening, but he somehow managed it.

 

Pidge let out a “hm?” right before Allura joined the call.

 

“Hello, everyone!” she said, and clapped her hands. Lance winced at the sudden loud noise. _That sure didn’t sound good with headphones._

 

“Oh! Hey, Allura!” Hunk said, a smile clearly in his voice. “New account?”

 

“Yes,” she sighed. “Pidge, I have no _idea_ how you manage to make so many accounts and not get caught.”

 

“Skill, I guess,” she replied, before being cut off with a shriek. “Matt! Get out of my room!”

 

A muffled “are you watching porn, or something, Katie?” came from the backround, followed by a noise that sounded suspiciously like a pillow hitting an older brother, and Lance wheezed. It got to the point where he started choking on his own spit from laughing, and had to take a breather. By the time his fit was over, Pidge had returned to the mic.

 

“Ugh, god. Sorry about him.” she grumbled, and Hunk offered a sympathetic noise.

 

“Pidge, you know I have to add that to the list of things I won’t let you forget, right?” Lance spoke- a little bit strangled, as he was still trying to choke down his laughter.

 

The conversation shifted when Hunk spoke. “Guys, I found a new item! It’s called… uh, the Sword of Dakin? Damn, this must be really strong, with that name. Do you want it, Pidge? I’m a healer, so I won’t really have much use for it.”

 

As the other three spoke in the call, Lance was reminded that there were new items to be found. If Pike didn’t get cool new shit, then what was the point of being alive, actually?

 

A mangled cry escaped his lips as he looked to the map, and he could practically feel his friends cringing, but he didn’t care. He was blabbering nonsense before Hunk spoke up.

 

“Uh… Lance? You… are you… okaaaaay?” he asked tentatively.

 

“No!” he screeched. “Fucking _shit_ , not him, this is the worst!”

 

By now, his friends knew what he meant by “him”.

 

“Are you sure that it’s Thunderstorm?” Allura asked.

 

“I’d know that little asshole anywhere,” he groaned. “He’s always trying to steal my spotlight! And in this case, my loot, goddamnit! I am literally going to die. I’m dead, guys.”

 

Pidge’s voice was filled with snark as she cut off Lance’s wailing. “Just like, ask him to back off, or something.”

 

“And risk sounding _weak?_ To my _rival?”_ he gasped, a bit overdramatically.

 

“Then just follow him into the dungeon, goodness,” Allura muttered, but Lance perked up at that.

 

“Allura, you’re a genius, I could kiss you!”

 

“Please don’t,” Pidge murmured, sounding genuinely worried for her girlfriend.

 

“Of course he knows where the dungeons are, that edgy bastard, I can just, like, go and beat him to it. I’m doing that, currently, as I say this.”

 

“Lance, you don’t have to give us a play-by-play, you know,” Hunk said, sounding a bit tired.

 

“I’m interesting enough for it to be desirable to know what’s going on in my life at any given time, Hunk, please. Now, if you’ll _excuse_ me, I am going to regale you with my fantastic tales of me destroying Thunderstorm in this dungeon.”

 

\- - -

 

“C’mon, what the fuck?!”

 

“Lance, you knew this would happen,” Pidge sighed. “We all, in our hearts, deep down, knew this would happen.”

 

Lance leaned back in his chair, pressing his hands to his face. “Why must my friends be so cruel? When will I get _love? Support?_ More importantly, when will he stop stealing loot that could’ve been mine?”

 

“To be fair, he is one of the top-ranked players in the game,” Hunk said, sounding apologetic.

 

While the lanky boy was throwing a minor tantrum over his self-proclaimed rival, his cat snuck into his room, stretching her legs while purring, preparing to jump onto her owner’s desk.

 

“Blue!” Lance shrieked as his cat landed square on his keyboard. His character began to freak out, and Lance’s surprise caused him to knock over a glass of water on his desk. Much to his dismay, the lilac cat began to roll in it, spreading the liquid even more.

 

“Augh, shit, fuck! Blue, c’mon!” he cried, shooing her away. He couldn’t be bothered to grab a cloth- he was much too invested in talking about Thunderstorm and god himself could not drag him away from this computer- so he instead decided to take off his shirt and mop the water up with that.

 

“Sorry, guys,” he apologized to his friends. “Blue just jumped on my keyboard, I didn’t even think I left my door open so I don’t know _how_ she got in, but man that sucked. Anyways, back to my original point, Hunk; there is no way that he isn’t twelve. What kind of edgelord names his character ‘Thunderstorm Darkness’? It’s like he crawled out of MySpace, jeez. Ten dollars bets that he has emo hair.”

 

It was honestly a surprise that he didn’t notice how much more active the chat was when he started rambling, but it wasn’t unreasonable for him to expect that he was in the private call, and hadn’t switched to the main channel when Blue hit a button. As he finished speaking, though, the chat was more quiet than ever.

 

Suddenly, a deadpan voice unknown to Lance cut through the silence.

 

“Do you have a problem with me that you’d like to discuss?”


	2. a series of unfortunate misclicks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lance is a disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfghgf im sorry this is so short again im tryin my best
> 
> anyways comments and shit like that feed me i thrive off those so if u like this,,, pwease tell me

For maybe the first time in Lance’s life, his mouth snapped shut. He opened his mouth once more, maybe trying to babble out a few incoherent sentences, but no words came out. And, as fast as he could, he slammed his laptop shut.

 

Honestly, he could’ve just disconnected from the main channel, but in his panicked state, he reacted on impulse. At least he knew for certain that it wouldn’t be broken- this wasn’t the first time he had closed it so violently, but other times were caused by anger, or maybe excitement. Now, it was just embarrassment. His face heated in shame (who wouldn’t be ashamed by shit-talking one of the game’s best players without knowing he was listening, honestly) as he grabbed his phone. He at least owed his friends an explanation to why he left so suddenly.

 

**_mr smythes pussy party_ **

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ holy SHIT you guys im going to literally kms

 

_ bird:  _ where did you even go?

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Yeah, you just cut off really quickly :/

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ i accidentally joined the main channel :))

 

_ she-ra:  _ But you logged offline a bit after that? Did Blue meddle with your wires again?

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ no :))) i kept talking in main :))))) about how thunderstorm was a bitch :)))))) and he heard :))))))))) and replied :)))))))))))

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Oof

 

_ bird:  _ did he sound hot

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ enjoy your last few hours with all of your vertebrae intact pidge

 

_ bird:  _ i’m surprised you even know that word. congrats

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ die

 

_ she-ra:  _ I apologize for my prolonged absence in this conversation! I was looking at my Twitter.

 

_ hunkamania:  _ It’s okay Allura :-) You weren’t gone that long!!!

 

_ she-ra:  _ Why, thank you, Hunk! But, as I mentioned, I was on Twitter, and Thunderstorm tweeted about what just happened!

 

Lance’s eyes widened, and he almost dropped his phone as he fumbled frantically to get to Twitter. Sure enough, just like Allura had said, Thunderstorm had tweeted about what Lance said. It wasn’t even an angry post, just… a challenge, of sorts?

 

_ @thndrstrmkk tweeted: To the guy who just called me an edgelord: I could kill you in an instant if you even stepped near me, bitch. _

 

For someone who insisted that he wasn’t edgy, he sure acted the part. But at least he wasn’t sending his followers after him. Thunderstorm had never done it, but some other popular players would jump at the chance to get a witchhunt going against anyone who breathed too close to them. Breathing out a sigh of relief that he wasn’t going to be targeted by a cult following anytime soon, he popped back into the group chat.

 

**_mr smythes pussy party_ **

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Did Lance die or something he usually isn’t silent for more than like three seconds

 

_ bird:  _ press f to pay respects

 

_ she-ra:  _ f

 

_ hunkamania:  _ f

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ hello to my adoring fans did you miss me

 

_ bird:  _ aw man i thought my headache was gone

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ ignoring that scathing insult

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ thunderstorm has essentially challenged me in his tweet

 

_ she-ra:  _ He really didn’t?

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ so im now making it my personal mission to kick his ass

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Isn’t that always what your priority was??

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ hush now darling there is no need for specifics and facts

 

_ bird:  _ he’s literally one of the best players in the game, if not THE best

 

_ bird:  _ chances of you kicking his ass? very slim andsdfghgfdfghgfdsdfghgfdfgfrhtgfebds

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Pidge????

 

_ bird:  _ ALMOST AS SLKM AS TSHI BITCHJKSKINNY LEGENDD

 

_ bird:  _ gHIUHGHJKjhsdfjIUHJ

 

_ bird:  _ hjiguvhfjdifughf

 

_ she-ra:  _ Ten dollars on that being Matt?

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ idk maybe pidge just accepted being a skinny legend

 

_ bird:  _ yes it was matt congratulations

 

_ bird:  _ he came into my room to scream about how his high school friends were moving here for a job

 

_ bird:  _ he was actually pretty excited

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ ok pidge this is very important to me that you answer honestly

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ is his friend hot

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Please stop thirsting on main

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ unrealistic. blocked 

 

_ bird:  _ i asked matt he said yes

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ NICE

 

_ bird:  _ he also has a boyfriend

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ FUCK

 

_ she-ra:  _ I hate to change the subject (I don’t, actually) but will you be rejoining us, Lance? There is still more loot to be found! 

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ o shit u rite

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ ill open up my computer + join the vc brb

 

Putting down his phone, he opened his computer once more- just as he assumed, there was no damage- and began waiting for Monsters and Mana to load up. But as he went to press play, he faltered. He had a blinking icon next to his friend list, which meant someone had requested him to be their friend. It wasn’t unusual for this to happen in the game, but it had been uncommon recently, which is why it caught him off guard. He clicked on the list.

 

Long, tan fingers ran through sweaty, brown hair as Lance stared at his screen in shock, eyes wide, trying to figure out if he was reading it wrong, or if it was a fake account. But everything seemed to check out.

 

He kicked his chair away from his computer until it rolled to his bed. He flopped onto his mattress in shock, still looking at the screen from far away. The request remained, blinking slowly, as if to get him to make up his mind sooner rather than later. 

 

**Thunderstorm Darkness has sent you a friend request. Accept / Deny.**

 

\- - -

 

**_mr smythes pussy party_ **

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ what the fuck i am shaking what does he even think hes DOING like why would he even????

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Lance please calm down it’s been like five minutes

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ you expect five minutes?? to be enough time???? to absorb this?????????

 

_ she-ra:  _ I wonder if he friended you to keep track of you until he chose to battle you?

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ thats what im wORRIED about asdfghgfd

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ if he actually kills me in game i will be mocked forever

 

_ hunkamania:  _ He probably won’t tell his followers about it, who would mock you???

 

_ bird:  _ i would

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Fair

 

_ hunkamania:  _ But I do think you’re overreacting a bit

 

_ she-ra:  _ To be honest, Hunk, it is understandable that Lance would be a bit giddy over his idol offering to interact with him in any way.

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ allura u misspelled rival :///

 

_ she-ra:  _ Have you even accepted the request yet?

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ NO r u insane

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ i have 2 think this over carefully and strategically

 

_ bird:  _ bold of you to assume you can think

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ literally go slurp piss

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Lance, we all know that you’re gonna accept it anyways

 

_ hunkamania:  _ It’s probably best for you to get it over with

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ ok but if i get doxxed in three days its your faults

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ and you will carry the burden of your guilt until you all die

 

_ she-ra:  _ I think we’ll manage.

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ HGFGHJKJHJ RUDE

 

But he did heed his friends’ advice- he rolled himself back over to the computer, and went to accept the request.

 

He misclicked.

 

It wasn’t late where he was, but he was certain that his screaming had woken up at least one person somewhere.

 

**_mr smythes pussy party_ **

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ IMMMMMMM GOING TO KILL MYSELFFFFFFFFF

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Are you okay

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ nOPE

 

_ she-ra:  _ Check Thunderstorm’s Twitter, Hunk.

 

_ bird:  _ this is so sad alexa play fingers in his ass by komaeda and sans undertale

 

Debating between punching himself and going to check his Twitter, he settled for the latter. Sure enough, Thunderstorm had actually brought him up again.

 

_ @thndrstrmkk tweeted: To the guy, again: Don’t coward out of this. You say you can beat me? Prove it. _

 

Lance sighed- while he’d have accepted the friend request, there was no way in hell that he could send one to Thunderstorm. For one, it would probably seem needy, and, to focus on the bigger problem, there was no way he’d see it. A popular player like him probably got hundreds of requests a day.

 

But then again, if he didn’t, then would he just be a coward? It didn’t really matter if Thunderstorm’s fans didn’t know who he was- Lance would still know deep down that the anonymous person they’d be mocking was him.

 

Luckily, he didn’t have to argue amongst himself for much longer. A bright flashing icon illuminated a corner of his screen once more, and he rolled around to check his friend list again. Despite Thunderstorm’s recurring challenge, Lance hadn’t expected him to even put in the time to remember his username. But there it was again, a friend request from Thunderstorm glowing in his eyes.

 

This time, he made sure not to misclick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, my tumblr is panquadrant.tumblr.com yeehaw


	3. cue battle music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they fight like thats it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is longer since i took my adhd meds yeehaw i could actually focus on it
> 
> also my tumblr is panquadrant.tumblr.com whoops

He had been staring down his computer for a while now. While he’d been more than eager to talk shit about Thunderstorm, he didn’t think that he’d actually have to act on what he said. A shudder went down his spine as he thought of all the items he’d lose if Pike was killed. Sure, he could respawn, but at what cost? Actually, he knew the cost- Thunderstorm would get all of his high-level weapons and items. Not that he doubted that he had them already.

 

If he was being honest with himself, he was genuinely unsettled at the thought of losing so many things that he’d put so much time and effort into getting. As much as he liked to deny it, Lance was kind of a nerd. It was hard to say he wasn’t when he spent most of his days on his computer, playing whatever video game interested him most at the time. Monsters and Mana had been his most recent and ongoing hyperfixation, however, to the point where his family had to remind him to get off the computer to do basic human activities, like pissing and eating.

 

Although, it wasn’t as if he sat in a computer chair 24/7- while he wasn’t good at most sports, he was pretty great at swimming, and could spend hours on end just swimming in the cool waters of the lake near his home. It was always so refreshing to feel the water cascade around him as he jumped in, and he loved to dive as deep and as long as he could to look for assorted objects that could’ve washed up near him. His most proud find was back in Cuba- a brick that was a part of some old factory a very long time ago, and though it was covered in algae when he discovered it, and not even necessarily interesting to most, he thought it was pretty cool anyways- it’s not every day you find something like that relatively intact.

 

He turned his head to the right of his bed, looking at the very same brick he found. When his family moved here, he had insisted on bringing it with him, among other things. His siblings thought it was weird of him, but he had become oddly attached to it. Some kids were comforted by blankets or stuffed animals, and he was comforted by a brick. It was kind of fucking weird, if he thought about it too long.

 

Luckily, with his ADHD, he was hardly ever able to think about anything too long. So he rolled to his left, reaching to grab his phone off of the charger near the floor. His arm strained and his torso was almost completely off the bed, and naturally, he ended up collapsing on the floor with a relatively loud thud. Typical. Over the natural chaos of the household, no one ended up hearing him, which he was kind of glad about.  _ No, Mamà, I’m just laying here for shits and giggles. _ It probably would’ve been easier to just get off of his bed instead of reaching, but Lance did not have the motivation for that.

 

He unplugged his phone and climbed back onto his bed, letting out a soft groan as he looked at the amount of notifications he had. It was honestly a crime that he was so often accused of blowing up their phones, yet his friends had no problem with sending so may messages within an hour.

 

**_mr smythes pussy party_ **

 

_ bird:  _ ok everyone i need legal input on this

 

_ hunkamania:  _ On what???

 

_ she-ra:  _ >:?

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Allura no Homestuck on main

 

_ she-ra:  _ Understandable, have a nice day.

 

_ bird:  _ anyways

 

_ bird:  _ i need opinions on a name change for this chat

 

_ bird:  _ because bird got old like three months ago

 

_ bird:  _ so: transformers yaoi or robocuck

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Sometimes I wish I was Jared, 19,

 

_ she-ra:  _ Pidge, I love you, but both of those are so, so horrid.

 

_ bird:  _ option one it is!

 

_ bird  _ has changed their name to  _ transformers yaoi _

 

_ hunkamania:  _ :(

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ in other news, i’ve been trying to make a drone again

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ (side note, thank you for the materials and help, hunk)

 

_ hunkamania:  _ No problem!! I’m excited to see it, do you have WIP pictures of it yet??

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ i’m glad you asked because yes

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ rover-2.0.png

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ named after my late son, rover the first

 

_ she-ra:  _ I miss Rover 1, I’m glad there is a new one! He was always so fun.

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ we’re all his parents now

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ hunk is the stay at home father, i am the genius mother who tries to homeschool him and allura is the sane parent who doesn’t try to build things all the time

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Fair

 

_ she-ra:  _ I need more information about this scenario, if I’m going to draw it!

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Babe no :(

 

_ she-ra:  _ Hunk, I have to improve somehow! Practice makes perfect!

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ maybe start with something simpler first

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ because i love you but i can’t physically handle seeing another face drawn like that

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ god you guys stop being so disgustingly cute in a weird way when im away

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ dont u guys have some gc with all of u in it where u dont parade ur love in front of my lonely face

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Actually, I think that was the most PDA I’ve seen Pidge show in like, her whole life

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ plus i thought you’d be able to give input on my new username but i guess you were too busy jacking off or something?

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ literally die op

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ joke’s on you i can’t wait

 

_ hunkamania:  _ D:

 

_ she-ra:  _ Pidge brings up a good point, though, where were you? Usually you aren’t away from your phone for more than five minutes at a time.

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ i was literally just staring down my computer

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ its like its mocking me

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ like hey you little bi fuck are you gonna fight or will you perish like a dog

 

_ hunkamania:  _ You know you aren’t legally obliged to 1v1 Thunderstorm, right?? Like there’s nothing in the game that says you have to do that

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ i will not appear weak to someone who names their character thunderstorm darkness

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ im not and will never be over how edgy that sounds like cmon theres no way this guy didnt want to stick his dick in shadow the hedgehog at age 12

 

_ she-ra:  _ Jesus Christ.

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ you called??

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ if you’re so afraid of fighting him, why don’t you just tell him?

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ he actually doesn’t seem that bad, compared to other players

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ im not afraid of fighting him!!!

 

_ she-ra:  _ I could almost feel the voice crack in that sentence.

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ wow rude

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ but yeah im not afraid of fighting him i just dont want to lose all my shit

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ it has taken me. so long. 2 get all this stuff

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ and if i die ill drop all my shit and hell get it

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ which is ILLEGAL

 

_ hunkamania:  _ Then just tell him that??

 

_ hunkamania:  _ It just doesn’t seem like you’ve considered other options

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ i will look weak

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ but if you pussy out you’ll regret it forever so weigh the options

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ ok fair :///

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ fiiiiine ill do that

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ but im going to twist my words in a way that makes it sound like these rules were your guyses fault

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ i don’t think that’s how you use that word

 

_ she-ra:  _ We expect nothing else from you, Lance. :-)

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ i literally cant tell if thats an insult or an endearing remark allura

 

_ she-ra:  _ The latter, of course!

 

_ lance, but the weapon:  _ oh then i lov u

 

**_honorary piss club_ **

 

_ she-ra:  _ It was an insult.

 

_ transformers yaoi:  _ allura asdfghgfd

 

_ hunkamania:  _ While we’re here, can we see more drone pics?? Lance can’t complain about them in the piss dungeon

 

\- - -

 

The same beeping icon that showed him his friends were online alerted him that Thunderstorm had logged on. He’d almost forgotten that he’d added him- it filled him with a weird sensation that he couldn’t linger on, because most of his emotions were currently in the “anxiety” territory. He kept dragging his mouse over the voice chat button, but always pulling back before he could click. Despite all his talk, he was actually nervous to speak to Thunderstorm. As much as he hated to admit it, the guy was really popular, and not everyone gets a chance to talk to someone as popular as this dude was.

 

Right before he clicked (and by “clicked”, he means “tried to click and pulled back again”) the call button, a message appeared on his screen, asking him to join a call, and he shrieked in surprise. It had just popped up really quickly, is all. Nothing else about it. Just surprise, not the same fear he got when a horror movie jumpscare came up.

 

God, he was lame.

 

Before he could spend too much time lamenting over how silly it was to jump over a call request, he was reminded of it. As in, the call request.

 

**Thunderstorm Darkness is inviting you to join a voice call. Accept / Deny.**

 

His heart was thumping in his chest (which was so stupid, why was he even nervous, he’s not nervous, shut up), and he felt himself begin to sweat. But he forced himself to accept the call.

 

“Hey.”

 

“H-i,” Lance said, and wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Voice cracks weren’t supposed to be the first thing your rival heard out of your mouth (other than that time where he shit-talked him in front of a live audience, but he didn’t want to focus on that). He heard a soft, barely-audible snicker from the other end, and felt himself get riled up.

 

“What’s so funny, asshole?” he hissed, knowing fully well that he was probably overreacting. But he couldn’t help it- something about this guy just got under his skin on a whole other level. He wished that he knew more about Thunderstorm, just to be able to insult him better. Swears like asshole were just so bland compared to what he could come up with.

 

“Nothing, nothing.”

 

Thunderstorm’s voice cut him out of his thoughts. He hadn’t really been paying full attention to it up until now- in the public call, he had seemed so much more… _shit, what was the word_. He knew it in Spanish, he just couldn’t remember it in English. _Fuck, uh… when_ _someone’s mad but like, professional about it. Damn it, that’s not really what it was. Ugh._

 

He almost abandoned his entire train of thought before he remembered that he was talking to Thunderstorm. Thunderstorm Darkness, who seemed much less stuck-up over a private call. Maybe he was just showing off for fans. Maybe he was more humble than Lance thought.

 

“Are you ready to get your ass kicked?” Thunderstorm said, and Lance figured that he actually  _ was _ a stuck-up asshole.  _ New rule: never doubt my first impressions again. There’s no way this guy isn’t just a huge douche. _

 

“Stop talking in a mirror and come eat shit,” Lance replied. He wasn’t as good with words when he was excited, but he hoped that the jab actually made sense to Thunderstorm.

 

Apparently it did, because the other man let out a huff, and Lance could see his character icon start moving towards him on the map. That unsettled Lance- Pike was a stealth fighter, and he was currently standing out in the open of a town. He had to get to a more hidden place before Thunderstorm showed up.

 

Unfortunately for him, this was one of the towns added in the recent update. Essentially meaning that he knew jack shit about it, and where it’s nooks and crannies actually were. So Pike jumped onto the roof of a house, and he hoped that staying on higher grounds would be enough to give him an advantage in the start.

 

The thing about Thunderstorm was that he was actually  _ really good  _ at this game. Which was pretty well-known, considering his status as one of the best Monsters and Mana players in the world, but it didn’t really hit Lance until now that he was up against someone who was incredibly skilled. 

 

What also didn’t hit Lance until now was that he had to mention the item rule.

 

“Wait, wait!” he said, sounding a bit too agitated for his liking. “Uh, before we like, fight, can we agree that no one should get the other’s loot? Because, like, I worked hard to get this shit, and you probably did too, I think.”

 

His ears turned pink at his rambling, and the silence that followed it. But eventually, Thunderstorm spoke. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

 

_ Jeez, he really isn’t one for long sentences, huh. _

 

“Cool, cool. Uh. Yeah.”  _ Holy shit Lance, please stop talking, you’re only making this more embarrassing for yourself. _

 

The two boys sat in silence as Thunderstorm made his way to the town. Lance watched his character’s icon slowly get closer and closer, before he spotted the half-elf barbarian walk through the town’s entrance. 

 

It was almost unfair how quickly Thunderstorm spotted Pike, but he didn’t even make an effort to attack. It was almost like he was stifling a laugh as he looked at him.

 

“So I really challenged a furry to a fight, huh,” he snorted.

 

Lance did not have time to focus on the fact that Thunderstorm snorted when he laughed, because he was stammering at the words that came before the snort.

 

“Pike is  _ not _ a furry! He is a ninja assassin, and his catlike reflexes help with that!” Lance said, wincing as his voice rised in pitch. 

 

“Ninja assassin? And you call  _ me  _ edgy? Tch.” Thunderstorm spoke casually, his voice not even changing as his character ran in Pike’s direction. Like it was so easy to talk and kill a video game furry at the same time. 

 

Unlike Thunderstorm, Lance’s words did, in fact, get jumbled as he jumped from roof to roof. More frantic. “You just said tch out loud? How am I supposed to think that you’re not edgy- ah!”

 

He misclicked, and Pike went tumbling to the ground. He took a bit of fall damage, but he felt that it would be the least of his worries when he saw Thunderstorm charging towards him. He scrambled for his slingshot, but he remembered that, oh yeah, close range combat, and pulled out a short sword instead.

 

Thunderstorm almost sounded surprised that Pike sliced him with the sword, as if he though he was untouchable. Lance smirked, because clearly, he was not.

 

His opponent pulled out a weapon of his own- a glowing knife. He knew that knife- from the Blade of Marmora event in January. That shit had poison damage, and he didn’t want to get hit by that at  _ all. _

 

He held up his sword as Thunderstorm brought his knife down, the clang of metal exciting him. He was actually holding his own against  _ Thunderstorm fucking Darkness. _ It was a pretty rewarding feeling, but as he was distracted, the other man got a good few hits in. Lance winced as Pike’s healthbar dropped significantly. He definitely needed to stay on his guard, or else he’d lose. And he wasn’t in the mood to lose to this asshole today.

 

He laughed as he sliced Thunderstorm’s arm, and he heard him hiss in anger. That was the precise moment when Thunderstorm’s attacks became clumsy- but fast. Very fast. He was swinging wildly, like he was upset that Lance had injured him so much. And as much as Lance liked to pride himself on how sneaky Pike was, he couldn’t evade them all, and a few attacks landed. They were strong, and Lance’s heart sunk as he realized how close Pike was to dying.

 

He stepped backwards, eyes trained on Thunderstorm, but faltered as he hit a wall. He began to sweat (extra effort on skin care tonight, for sure) as his opponent put one hand next to him, keeping him in place. He could’ve fought back, but at this point, it was pretty clear that Thunderstorm was going to win. He held his Marmoran knife to Pike’s throat.

 

He could hear the smirk in his voice. “Any last words?”

 

Before Lance could reply with a “drink piss”, a faded voice emitted from Thunderstorm’s line.

 

“Keith, come eat! Adam made pancakes!”

 

The voice sounded older than Thunderstorm’s, but still young. And commanding.

 

Thunderstorm hissed, and he sounded embarrassed as he replied. “I can’t, Shiro, I’m playing a game-”

 

“Now, Keith! You can’t just stay in there forever, you know,” the other voice said, sounding more exasperated than anything.

 

_ Oh.  _ So Thunderstorm was Keith. Keith… that name is just…

 

“That’s so fucking  _ funny, _ holy  _ shit,”  _ Lance found himself wheezing before he could shut himself up. “No wonder you named your character Thunderstorm Darkness, that name sounds like you sit in an office break room mixing laxatives into your water and complain about your third divorce to the younger employees who really don’t want to hear.”

 

God, Keith is such a dumb fucking name. He smiled- now he actually had ammunition to fuel his insults, like he’d wished for before. But Keith didn’t seem to pay attention to the insult.

 

“I-” he started, cutting off as the man who had called him before asked again. “I have to go. Bye.”

 

And just like that, he ended the call, and his character disappeared.

 

For the next hours before bed, he scrolled through Twitter, still thinking about what had happened on Monsters and Mana earlier. And despite the rivalry that he was convinced existed between them now, he still had the name Keith on his mind as he drifted off to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith, holding a knife to lance's neck: any last words?
> 
> shiro from the other room, with the cheeriest fucking voice: hey little brother my boyfriend made pancakes!! do you want me to cut them up for you like usual or???

**Author's Note:**

> owo whats this
> 
> my tumblr is panquadrant.tumblr.com and my twitter is @citrustoxin hmu


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